Psychiatric Medication

In this world of quick fixes, fast attention spans, and results with no work, psychiatric medications have become a daily and never-ending reality for many people. ‘They’ AKA my quick internet search) say that one in six Americans take some sort of psychiatric medication, mostly anti-depressants. That is a lot, 300 million Americans, that’s 50 million people. I personally think our society is so fucked up that we have to turn to drugs to cope. Scratch that. We don’t have to, but we do because it’s easy.

Either way, it is a reality for most of us, and I think it is an unnecessary one. Now, some people, a very small amount, with true psychiatric illnesses should take medication if it will help their quality of life. Hell, I’ll even say a lot of people would benefit from medications WITH a pre-medication plan to taper off the medication within two months (before you get dependent). Also, in conjunction with therapy. But people are on these medications for their whole lives, and I believe you lose a part of yourself when medicated. Now, I personally am very medicated, but I’m fucking crazy haha. Nah, I really don’t want to be on medication anymore, the side effects are becoming apparent and getting in the way of my life.

I take 6 separate medications. That is a lot. Every time I went to my psychiatrist (once a month) they would prescribe me a new pill. the thing is, they had no intention of getting me off said pill. Instead, they just want to keep prescribing different medications so they can get paid. I find this utterly appalling. So here I am, I still get depressed, still have anxiety, still have cravings for heroin, even though I am medicated against it. Things are better for sure, but I know I’ve lost something. I call it my spark, it’s my humanity, my real self. I am more of a zombie nowadays… never really sad,  and never really happy. Just level.

And that was fine…for a while. Now I want out but am scared to death of the withdrawals. mostly from my suboxone and clonazepam. I’ve had withdrawals of both when I was using and benzo withdrawals are no joke. Way worse than heroin, I think.

I hate the side effects.

So I can’t just stop taking all these medications. I’d probably die. But I have begun tapering them off slowly. I’m starting with my sleeping medication, taking one and a half pills instead of two. And I actually feel a difference. I feel slightly more human, myself. More like Al.